Time is never on my side

Currently Listening To: Boy Hits Car- The Rebirth
So its almost christmas time again. We all know what that means, right kiddies? Thats right, a rough time. Christmas is always hard around my house now, since my brother died. I mean, it's understandable, but christmas is supposed to be a happy time. And try as we might to make it one, theres always that one point in the day that someone breaks down. Whether it be physically obvious that they have, or just emotionally obvious, you can tell when someone has that look on their face. I think most people look forward to christmas every year. This year Im looking forward to seeing everyone and having dinner at my house, but asside from that, I dont really have that oomph-go-christmas attitude like I used to when I was a kid. I try to make it look like I'm having a good time every year. Even though months before christmas I make sure to tell everyone I hate it. I'm done. Thats all I'm writing.

It's not easy to hide all this damage inside

Currently Listening To: Staind(acoustic)- Hidden Song

I'm sitting at school, bored again. I don't have class until 2, my History seminar. I usually look forward to it, today isn't any different. Call me a dork, but I like my history class.

Speaking of my history class, two weeks in a row now the bus has been late to the point where I came to class as it was ending. I'm getting really pissed at the bus system. I went out to catch the bus today ten minutes before the hour and it's supposed to come at the hour. So here I was thinking I had plenty of time before it was going to come by my way. A couple of other people show up, and then a few more, and by this time I think it's about ten after the hour... Someone asks what time it is, I hear the person say it's twenty-three after. Great, so the bus has decided to not bother coming by for the hour... More time passes at finally its quater to and lo-and-behold there's the bus! God, I was fuming. That's two weeks in a row that the bus was so late that I was really super late for class. Yesterday wasn't so bad because I was only fifteen minutes late for lecture. But that's still bad. If it had been a seminar I would have been pissed. I think I may really need a car, like ASAP. Someone want to buy me one for christmas? C'mon, you know you do.

It's snowing outside right now, pretty hard too. It's been snowing since like 10ish. It's recently gotten pretty hard though. Earlier when I was walking in it it wasn't too windy out and the snow was falling lightly. When I looked straight up I could see each individual snowflake. It was gorgeous. I felt all angelic walking into the library with my hair covered in white snowflakes. Call me a dork, but I did.

This weekend Kelly, Ben, Johnny and I are all going up to Ben's cottage near Apsley. I think I spelled that right, but I couldn't be sure. Anyways, it's apparently near Jake Lake, and we'll be doing a little bit of drinking, socializing with his grandparents, playing cards, hiking, and sitting by the campfire. It's going to be a really nice relaxing weekend before exams start. I'm pretty sure next week is the last week of classes before Christmas break, for me. And I even have exams on the weekend. Now that's an experience I haven't had before, school on the weekend. Hurray for Univeristy. *rolls eyes* Wish me luck too eh?

So I went to TO this past weekend and browsed through some pretty awesome stores on Queen street. I went into Borderline, Siren, Steve's Music, and some random cool stoers that aren't as popular. Drew pointed out a store called Uglydoll that has the living deal dolls and stuff like that in it, but we were going to have to leave our bags at the door. We decided it wasn't going to be worth it and moved on.

I also made supper for Cameron and Drew on Sunday night. Jennie and Paul had gone to Oshawa because Jennie was called to work at GM Monday morning, so she spent the night at her Dads house and Paul went with her. So it was just Cameron, Drew and I. Carly was there too but she spent most of the time in her room studying and writing a paper for her classes. Actually Cameron spent a lot of time in his room reading too. I was worried about him on Saturday because he hadn't come downstairs at all, and then Sunday morning I was asking Jennie whether he had come down to eat yet. That was a big negative, I was going to ask her if he would care if I went up to make sure he was at least still alive, but I didn't. She assured me he was likely fine.

Saturday night Jennie, Paul, Drew and I went to a little restaurant and got something to eat for supper. It was a really cute place. Pretty busy inside, but cute. Earlier that day Kelly, Drew and I had gone to Subway before Drew and I saw Kelly to the subway so she could meet up with Mole and head to Orangeville, so I wasn't very hungry. Drew and I ended up ordering a plate of appetizers to share, but I still found that I wasn't as hungry as I wanted to be, and the food was really good.

Friday night Kelly and I went to Sarah's wine and cheese party. It was pretty good. A small gathering of people, lots of food and wine, for sure. Kelly and I had to leave early though so we could pack and get some sleep before we had to leave for the bus in the morning. Which ended up being okay because after awhile Kelly started to get bored and I could tell. We asked Steve to drive us home and Cynthia came for the ride. Man she's quite the character. She had some stories to tell thats for sure. And she says the silliest things when she's drunk. She kind of reminded me of myself when I'm drunk. All in good fun, all in good fun. ;)

My Dying Bride- For My Fallen Angel

As I draw up my breath,
And silver fills my eyes.
I kiss her still,
For she will never rise.
On my weak body,
Lays her dying hand.
Through those meadows of Heaven,
Where we ran.
Like a thief in the night,
The wind blows so light.
It wars with my tears,
That won't dry for many years.
"Loves golden arrow
At her should have fled,
And not Deaths ebon dart
To strike her dead."

When push comes to shove

Currently Listening To: Sliptknot- Purity
I'm sitting here in my freezing cold room with a headache. I need to cut my toenails, but I can't find my clippers. I've bitten all my finger nails off and the black polish is chipping. I need to tweeze my eyebrows, but I don't have any tweezers, my Mom usually does that for me. I have clean shirts and undergarments hung up around my room because I'm too cheap to put them in the dryer. There isn't as much money is my bank account as I started off with earlier last week, and it wasn't spent on anything. My room is a mess, however I did do laundry and finally put all the clean laundry away that was still sitting in the basket from the last time I went home. I've felt lonely the past couple of days, and I know I shouldn't be, I just have been. I need to make my social life less and focus more on my schooling, otherwise I'm going to find that it'll get in the way.
I should be working on Cultural Studies right now, but I haven't started yet. I did, however, accomplish a shower today, and then a bath where I finished reading The Snow Garden by Christopher Rice. It was amazing, and I couldn't put it down all day today.
Another plus was we watched Star Trek in my Cultural Studies seminar, because the episode had Sigmund Freud in it related to Data's dreams. I enjoyed it, even though I had already seen it when I was younger. We used to watch Star Trek as sort of family time after supper. Of course we watched other shows on top of that one too. We're sort of a 'gather around the TV and spend time together' kind of family. Which I like, because it started me on my love for movies. On the topic of movies, Adam W. told me that Rob Zombie's making another movie. Now that's exciting, I think he's a brilliant man.
I'm currently so cold that I seriously think my nipples could cut glass. I'm even wearing socks, which I hate. I've even turned the heat on in my room just a little bit. Trying to save money here and best as possible ya know.
Oh and I've filled out an application for Zellers again, this time in Peterborough, obviously. I'm pretty sure they will hire me because I've worked there before, and they can't penalize me for being laid off in Cobourg because I was going through a rough time in my life. That wouldn't be fair, medical reasons wise, so I'm prepaired if they phone the Cobourg store asking about me. I just can't wait to start working again. I think it's nice to let yourself take a couple months off before starting up a new job again. When you aren't too financially crippled it works better than having to make sure you have a job lined up before you quit your old one. That way there's a nice transission period in between. A few months off is nice, but getting back to work will keep my mind a little more occupied, and give me some pocket money to spend on sweaters, new socks, and possible some wood and bricks to make a huge shelving unit along my one wall. I'm planning on being able to put my entire collection of books on this unit as well as whatever room is left over for my knick knacks and candles.
Well I'm now really tired and should probably attempt to start my Cultural Studies so that some of it is started early. Better than having to pull another all nighter like I did when I wrote my Philosophy essay Thursday night. But let's not get me started on that shit.

Fruit Integration Baby

Currently Listening To: Absolutely nothing. I forgot my MP3 player at home because I'm a ghey fag.

So, its been like what, over a month now since I've updated this darn thing? I hope half of you haven't wasted your time coming back to check and see if I have posted since the last time you checked. 'Cause that would suck and I'd have to laugh in your faces.

The past two weekends have been Drew related. Halloween was great. I took the Greyhound to TO all by myself. Very first trip I've ever gone on by myself, mind you. I was so nervous that I was going to to get lost, or die in some big huge crash. Then I would have felt bad leaving Drew at the station by himself, while he waited for me to arrive. But thats okay, apparently he wanted me to wait for an hour after my bus arrived anyways. ;) And he's going to love me for saying that too. It's a funny story because his bus was a lot later than he thought it was going to be, and it took him like a half hour to walk to the terminal, which is also funny because the net said it was only about a five minute drive or some dumb thing. I think I walked half of my weight off that night. I was also wearing my Docs so I ended up with torn heels. I'm still wearing bandaids today. but I loved every minute of it. And he's lucky I didn't complain my ass off like I usually do. I felt like sparing him the agony of that.
We walked from the terminal to the venue, the opera house, where Flatlined was supposed to be playing. I do have to say though, they sound much better live than on the dl's from their website. The band before them was pretty good, but the band after them wasn't. But like Drew said, they had potential :P
We left the venue, after being dubbed smokers, and walked back to the terminal. Where we picked up our stuff and tried to find Jennie, who ended up being at a bar. So we walked to the bar where she was at, and thank god she was outside having a cigarette with her friends, otherwise I'd feel like a dork because I'd have to wait outside by myself with the smokers while Drew went in to find her. I'd also have felt bad because I wouldn't have been able to come in and help find her. But that didn't happen so it's all good. Jennie and a few of her friends were going to another bar after they left this one, so her friend (whos name I would never be able to spell) drove us to Jennnie's and we met her boyfriend. Man he was an awesome guy. We made sure to tell her that too. There was just something about him that made him so awesome. Anyways, we watched movies and Drew made me have a beer with him. Candian, not to mention, awful stuff. More funny stuff happened that night, but I dont think its good to be writing about Jennies roommates on the internet without their persmission. ;)

Then this weekend I decided at the last minute to take the bus to St. Catharines and visit Drew at his house. I stayed there the whole weekend, didn't end up getting home until Monday night at like 9ish. Friday night I got to meet the infamous Brandon. I think he was a little overwhelemd by me. He kept asking Drew where he picked me up from. And he didn't lie either, he had his pants off within ten minutes of meeting him. He's a crazy kid. I also got to meet Drews Uncle that I've heard so much about. He had been sitting on the couch watching tv and drinking by himself that night. It was great, we come in and Drew pokes him and tells him he thinks its time for bed. Then Saturday we went out for dinner with Drews friend at Wendy's, and then went out to the bowling alley for another of his friends birthday. But it turned out the wait to get in was going to be like an hour and a half so we went to Boston Pizza and sat and talked. I got to catch up on Drew past gossip, etc. Sunday we went ot Niagra Falls and then to B's grandmas house with his now ex girlfriend Jo. Bought some Peachshnapps and some beer and then headed over to the Boston Pizza in Niagra. We played some arcade games, ate some pizza, then took a Speedy over to Jo's Dad's house where we proceeded to get trashed and play card games all night. The Monday morning we were kicked out early and went back to Drews house where we sort of crashed and lazed around until I had to leave. I also got to meet his Mom on Sunday night. At the time we weren't sure whether or not she was going to be to pleased about me being there at all, but apparently she hasn't said anything about me since. So I think we're in the clear.

So this week was massive oh-god-i-hate-essays week. Thats what I dubbed it. No thank you, I hated doing my history essay. But it took me two hours and Im finally done. Two hours for the good copy that is. And then ever since Monday night for the rough draft and the rough notes. Its finally done and I dont even care how shitty it is. AT LEAST ITS DONE!

So Drew told me I had to update my blog, and there you have it, an entire blog dedicated to him too. He owes me. ;)

Oh joy oh bliss

So its been an interesting week, to say the least. Two visits to the hospital, a call to 911, an ambulance ride, a prescription for amoxicillin, missed classes, a panic attack caused by a spasm in my right lung, a hug from a friend, a lot of cold medication, a movie called Quills, handfulls of freezies, chest x-rays, falling asleep in lecture, emails to my profs, a visit from my Mom at the hospital, seeing an old friend at the pharmacy, a cat who Im thinking of getting rid of, a cup of tea, shopping for cherry cheesecake, making new friends, and someone who thinks I'm a hypocondriach.

Humanitarianism shmanitarianism

Currently Listening To: GNR- Live And Let Die

Third week of University has gone by, and fast. I'm enjoying all of my classes, and not having trouble so far. I've already written one paper for my History class. I felt so good after I had finished writing it, like a weight off of my chest. And darnit I think I did awesome on it too. I had to write about the general reasons in the decline of witchcraft.

I'm so tired right now, and I feel so fat. I've gained a lot of weight since I've moved away from home. Most people lost weight, but I guess because I had nothing else to do except eat, read and go on my computer, during that first month before school... I've just gotten fatter. It's embarassing because I'm not ever used to being over at the most 120 pounds, and now most of my pants don't fit, and when I wear my tighter t shirts I feel like everyones staring at my stomach which hangs over my pants. I'm going to defninitely stop eating as much as I have been, and drink more damn water. Maybe I can bring my weight back down.

I'm feeling more organized with my school work. I'm not using my five subject work book anymore, instead I'm using a good old fashioned binder. Kelly and I went out and bought a three hole punch, just like the ones at school, and a stapler for more than just a few pieces of paper. It's so handy. Now I'm able to put all my hand outs and print offs into the binder rather than just sliding them into the deviders. God I'm such a geek.

I've started taking vitamins. I think maybe it will help with my overall energy problem, and my lack of motivation thing going on. I wasn't able to get home in time today to call the doctor and have an appointment set up, as well as my pills renewd, which I really need. I haven't had any pills since the end of July, just before I moved to Peterborough. I can tell the difference in my mood, my movitvation, and my overall happiness. I should never have stopped taking them. It always sends me into another depressional state. I suggest to everyone out there who thinks that they're just going to go off of their pills and see if they have gotten better, to not do it without talking to their doctor first. Especially people who have suicidal tendencies, because you think you may be better, but as soon as the chemicals in your brain imbalance themselves because of the lack of medication you can tell the difference in maintaining a healthy state of mind. Please trust me on this one.

I'm so glad I don't have to get up early tomorrow. I'm not gettig up at like 6:30 or whatever it was when I lived in Cobourg, but it feels early. 7am or 8am, depending on the day, is my usual time to get up now. But it still doesn't feel like I'm getting enough sleep, even when I go to bed around 12am -1am. Normally the regular person needs about 8 hours of sleep, but apparently I've always needed more. I hate it because it cuts back on the amount of things I can do in a day, everything has to be shortened and my schedule smaller. *shrugs* Thus is the life of Mandy.

I feel like all I've been doing is complaining, but I guess this is a journal, and you're supposed to write about your feelings and what you've been doing in the past little while. But I feel like I should be writing something deep and meaningful. I guess I could talk about what we talked about in Philosophy seminar today; morality and humanity according to Mill. But I feel too blah. Maybe I'll finish my post from five days ago another time and post it. When I feel like it, that is.

Oh and I'm reading an amazing book right now called The Picture Of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde. If you haven't read it you need to. I'm not sure if I talked about this in my previous post, or in any of my comments, so I'm just going to mention it again. Have you seen The League of Extrordinary Gentlemen? Thats likely where you would have heard the name Dorian Gray before now. He was the one whom if he looked at the painting of himself he would cease to be immortal anymore and would change places with the painting, thus he would die, and eventually does in the movie. Well, this book explains how this blessing(or curse) came upon him. And I'm not finished reading halfway through it yet, but apparently he gets to stay young forever just by wishing hard enough on a painting that his friend paints for him. I'm not sure how that works, or how that would make a plot for a story, but so far its neat. Anyways, read it for yourself and you'll see what I mean.

I want to pull out my hair. Ever since Steve downloaded country music to my computer, and Kelly asked me to burn a cd for her with the songs on it, thats all I've been listening to. We have my cd player set up in the living room, so we can listen to music all through the apartment, rather than in just one of our bedrooms, and country has been playing more than anything else. So just before I wrote this I burned another cd with some soft music on it, like collective soul and some moist, and put that one, except it still didnt stop the country music coming from Kellys room. *cries*

Anyways, all that set asside, Im sure I could go on and on about random things that arent exactly intersting to anyone, not even myself, but I wont. I'll leave things at this.

Walked away, walked away, oh my god I walked away

So, not much to say. Tomorrow is the first day of classes for me and Im fuggen nervous. I just know Im going to have trouble finding my classes. Thats the wonders of a huge randomly placed University. How fun!
I dyed my hair again when I went to visit the rents this weekend. It was my Aunts birthday and we had the family down. Mom and I went shopping and we bought ourselves some more hair colour. I'll post a picture for ya.
Other than that, Steve and I are hitting it off I think. We were watching this Japanese movie, and I dont remember half of it...*blushes* He calls me all the time too, just to see what I'm up to.

This happiness is killing me

Currently Listening To: HIM-Right Here In My Arms

So today I took the bus to Trent for the first time. I tried clocking it to see how long it would take, for future reference, and I think it's roughly a little over an hour. First I have to take the bus outside of my house to the terminal, and then the Trent bus to the school. It really sucks butt that it's going to take me that long to get to school everyday.

I got my schedule for next week, only 14 hours of classes;
No school on monday.
Tuesday I have Anthropology at 12-2pm. Then Anthropology lab for an hour starting at 2pm.
Wednesday I have History at 9am for an hour. Then History seminar at 2pm for another hour. Then at 7pm I have a philosophy lecture for an hour.
Thursday I start the day off with Cultural Studies at 9am until 12pm. Hurray for three hour lectures. Then at 1pm I have a philosophy seminar for an hour, and right after that at 2pm I have a history lecture for another hour. Then at 8pm that night I have a cultural studies seminar. Busy day!
Friday is my Psychology lecture at noon until 2pm.

Shit the man thats a pretty good schedule. I just dont like the fact that I have to get up early two days in a row. But I do like that I don't have any classes on Monday. And only 14 hours of class time all together really makes me happy. Much MUCH better than highschool. ^-^

Anyways, I've been pretty busy socializing with Steve, Ed and Tim. We've been having a pretty good time. But we do need to get out more often. Mostly we just hang around the house. I found out that Ed, Steve and Tim are interested in me, and on top of that, so is Adam. I'm not sure what to do with myself! But obviously Im not interested in a relationship with anyone right now. Steve phoned me last night after he left and said that if I ever want to hang out to give him a call. I said alright, but I know its not going to go any farther than just hanging out. It would just make things really complicated to go out with one of the guys in the group. I think Kelly is pretty interested in Tim, and she should really persue that. He's one the nice kind of guys, red hair and freckles. Pretty cute.

It was Dad's birthday on Sunday and the entire family came over, including Grandma and Grandad, but excluding Matthew because he had to work. I made a cherry chip cake with vanilla icing. It was pretty darn good, but a little over cooked. It was my first time baking with this oven, so I know now just to be more careful. ^-^ We went out to Red Lobster for dinner and it was really good. Everyone had a great time, we were laughing and being kind of rowdy, it was awesome. I must say though, Grandad was the loudest out of us all. Hah!

We went to Flemming Rez that night and hung out with Kelly's Tim and his friends. His friend Ryan is really cute. Overall that was good fun too, and Kelly wanted to see if tonight I wanted to go again. She had her first day of school today, and has no idea what time she's supposed to be back at. I got home around 1pm, but it seemed like a much longer day than it was! I didnt leave the house until about 10am to catch the bus, either. Oh and I met up with Amanda Trebnor at the bus stop outside of Trent, she was on her way home, as was I. She gave me her number, which I really should put in my phone book before I lose or forget it. I do that quite often. OH! And when I was at the book store on campus I met a second year student who took cultural studies and history 150 who's willing to give me his books at half price, so I gave him my number BUT because I wasnt thinking right I gave him the last number of the first three digits wrong. I put a 2 instead of a 3. I just really hope he tries a few of the different combos before he gives up, because I didnt get his number or his name, and so I can appologize to him if and when he does phone!

Well, I think thats it in Mandy land for now. Ciao!

I will never forsake you

Currently Listening To: Evanescence- Lies
So Kelly comes home tomorrow and thats the most exciting thing thats happened in forever. We're gonna go and pick her up. Oh and her Dad came by today to put up the blinds, bring her tv, and I think thats all he did!

Day After Tomorrow

I'm currently nervous and excited; I just applied to be a gothic model online. I sent in some pictures of myself, filled out their form, and now I await their email back to me. I think I might send emails to a bunch of different places, maybe one of them will reply with something good to say! Anyways, just updating you on the latest news in Mandy land.

Stay tuned for more updates.


EDIT: I thought I'd take some pictures of Angel for you guys, Kellys kitty. But uhm, she isnt as easy to get pictures of as I thought. She's such a bitch, pardon my french, but goddamn is it true. And now I'm sneezing my brains out cause she has long hair and not short hair like Malcolm does. Anyways, after I took the two pictures I could she got really pissed and started hissing, scratching, growling and meowing at me, hid under my bed and really pissed me off. So I chased her around the apartment until I had all the doors closed so she went straight back to Kelly's room. What a friggen ordeal. But I got the pictures, and here ya go:

Requim For A Dream

Currently Listening To: Fuel-Innocent(Piano Acoustic)

So the other morning I was talking with Adam and Steve, and none of us could sleep. Adam was talking to his landlady and she said that she wasn't able to sleep a wink either. (Mind you this wasn't the night I wrote about it the last entry, this was... Saturday night I thinks? Yes, Saturday night). So I just realized why now... The full moon. I'm going to phone Adam and Steve and tell them to tell Charlene this because it's really funny and ironic.

Oh and I have to tell you about Ed's blue and red card theory. I also kind of added to it and made up a purple card, for feelings somewhere inbetween. (Don't worry, you'll get it soon).
Okay, so Ed says thay everyone should carry around a blue card and a red card. Blue card meaning they are single or intersted, red card meaning the opposite. He says it would make meeting people easier. So all the while in my head I'm wondering where this is leading to, right? Weeell... He turns to me and asks, "So what do you think of Adam, Steve and I? Are we red or blue?" At this point I started laughing. It was great fun, but I knew it was coming. I said that Adam is a red card because I know him and he's not my type, plus hes a friend. As for my answer for Ed and Steve, let's just say I did a nice cop-out and said that I didn't want to hurt either of their feelings and left it at that. So Ed says that that would make them green cards? And I said no, purple cards, as blue and red make purple. Retarded I know, but makes sense right? He deducted from that that because I didnt want to hurt anyones feelings, and Steve wasn't there it was just him and I, that I liked Steve better and it was Ed's feelings I didnt want to hurt. (Little does he know that it's him I like better). Of course I totally denied this and said that I didnt want to choose because choosing would mean that I had come to some sort of conclusion about them, when I didnt know them long enough to make any kind of conclusions. Anyways, to make a long story short, he was hitting on me and I dont think Adam liked it all that much when I told Adam and Steve the story. I know Adam has a thing for me, and I hope that my friendship stance with him can stay that way in his mind, because there isn't going to be anything more between us.

Oh I watched the coolest movie ever; Boondock Saints. Damn it was super wicked. Of course, it would have been better if it hadnt skipped every ten seconds or less. You can ask Adam, I'm not lying, that's how shitty his DVD player is. Its some random brand called Norcet or something. Anyways, he didn't watch the movie cause he fell asleep, but I did, barely because of the skipping, but I could still follow it for the most part. I think thats another movie to add to my list of movies I need to buy. Has anyone else seen it? Did you like it? Oh speaking of movies, I was thinking about Snatch yesterday. I have to own that too, as well as Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels(if thats what its called, Im kinda drawing a bit of a fuzzy blank right now). Apparently Snatch is the sequel to Lock Stock, which I haven't seen yet. And goddamn was Mister Brad Pitt good in that movie. Of course him and Johnny Depp are good in any movie, but he was extra good in this one because of his fast Irish talk. You might be asking yourself where I got Johnny Depp out of all of this? Well, because when I think about amazing actors, his is the first name that pops up and my fingers just wanted to type his name. It couldnt be because he's gorgeous or anything, nope.

Well, Im going to go pee now, as I've had to go for a few minutes now, but I didnt want to stop typing and downloading new music :D

The Witches Magical Handbook

Currently Listening To: The sound of the cars on the street. Goddamn their loud when you have a headache.

So did anyone else notice the extreme rains yesterday? Wasnt it wonderful? The thunder was exquisite. I miss listening to it on my metal roof at home, but I'm sure my mom loved it. I slept through most of it, until at least 12 in the afternoon... But since I haven't slept since then I think that that was fair.

So starting off on the that note, I had a rough night last night and literally didn't sleep a wink since I woke up yesterday. I haven't had this bad of a problem with sleeping for a very long time, and haven't pulled an all nighter and then not slept the next afternoon... ever I think. So today is a first. Not to mention at quater after seven this morning Tina phoned like she said she would to let me know that they would be arriving within the hour. I hadn't even realized it was morning until I turned over, put my book down, and looked at the sun trying to peak through my half assed curtain job with a black blanket.

Tina and Ed brought Kellys bed, her books, a dresser and a book shelf for her, as well as Angel, the kitty. Tina set everything up, but Im sure some of the stuff like the knick knacks and shit will be moved around by kelly. She finally has a room she can do whatever she wants with, and not have to worry about anyone touching or changing shit one her later on. She can't wait to come home on Wednesday.

Her parents said they were either going to pick her up this weekend or a few days early or something, or I dont know what. The day that camps ends and she can be picked up is this coming Wednesday. She called crying to Mom, so Mom offered to pick her up. I feel bad for her. I think Nathan's coming too. And Kelly told me about a store that sells belly button rings for only a dollar ninety-nine. Pretty damn good, and even if they arent sergical silver, at least they have plastic balls which I can interchange and just wear the dollar ninety-nine ones for the one night, etc. Anyway, she's really looking forawrd to coming home, and I really don't blame her. I think this summer, for her, has been a long one. I know it's gone by pretty quick for me, it feels like I didn't get a summer because of the online course. But I think Im managing.

So does anyone else notice that they feel sick to their stomach, have a headache and pain behind their eyes, oh and everything kinda moves in slow motion, when they haven't slept at all? Its just a question to make myself feel like everything Im experiencing is because of the no sleep and isn't from something else. You can blame the slight hypochondria for that.

Well, thats all folks. I can't think of anything to write about now. Im all drained and maybe I can set my alarm for an hour or two... I'm definitely going to bed at a decent time tonight, whether I wanted to or not. Which of course I did. But I'm just saying is all.

She's crazy like a fool

Currently Listening To: Placebo-Black Eyed
Well, because it's been so long, I will write about what I did last weekend.
Nathan came over for the weekend, it was definitely a good idea for him to get away from his house. He's been having a bit of trouble lately in the girl area.

I was frustrated about something... What would you do if you found out that a friend of yours was pregnant, and her Mom had given her an ultimatum: Either she have an abortion or she has to live somewhere else? Doesn't that just sicken you? Something like an abortion is such a big deal/step in life, and to have someone else force you to choose when, I'm sure, you're having a hard enough time with the fact that you are pregnant in the first place! I just cant over that... Ive been thinking about that and it bothers me so much.

And something always creeps into my mind that a friend told me. She said that her grandmother had told her that because she wasn't christian she had nothing to live for. Can you believe it? Isn't that disgusting? At our age we're having enough trouble trying to figure out where we belong in society and the only places we can turn to are our family and our close friends. And to have one of our family memebers tell us that we don't have anything to live for starts setting off alarms in the back of your head. Alarms such as: "If you don't have anything to live for, then why don't you just kill yourself?" or "If I have nothing to live for, then why am I bothering to stay here?" or even things like "I might as well stay a Christian even if I dont believe in it, just to keep my family happy." Goddamn it upsets me the way people manipulate others, and use the fact that they are family or close friends to make the person become who they want them to be. How are we supposed to grow and become individuals if there are people out there like my friends grandmother who press religion and beliefs on us? How are we supposed to be able to have an open mind and learn everything we can about stuff before we begin to judge? People like that make it impossible! And it angers me. Oh yes it does.

Sigh.

Oh guess what else I did on the weekend? Nathan and I went to futureshop and were looking through the DVD's and I found the first season of Buffy. Oh was I excited. Ive already watched the first disk, and there are only three. So far I've laughed my head of, giggled, been moved, and appalled. I can even remember watching some of these from when I was little! Can you believe its been that long since Buffy first started? 1996! And now, to think, it's over for good *sniff* Im not going to lie to you, I cried during the last few episodes of Buffy, and Angel. Man I'm gonna miss them. *Le Sigh*

Poor Kermi

Currently Listening To: A Perfect Circle- Wake The Dead
Poor Kermi, he's so ashamed.

They're singing my name up there

Currently Listening To:Frank Zappa- Titties and Beer
So I went with Steve and Adam to the Galaxy tonight and we saw Exorcist: The Beginning. WOW! It was really good. Nothing is better than the origional, but I must say this comes really close. And at parts, I was actually grossed out and spooked. A must see, for sure. If you watched the first one and wondered where in the world it started from then this movies for you. It totally makes sense now. Absolutely wonderful. Ahhh... :)

x meets y from hell on acid

Currently Listening To: A Perfect Cirlce(Live)-Ashes to Ashes

Lord knows, it's been done before, but this little dictionary of literary "reviewese" is pretty funny.

You could compile a similar list for music "reviewese," of course, and there would be many overlapping terms. They even tend to drop some of the same gratuitous names. The main difference: music reviewers will by and large refer to "your ass" more frequently than book reviewers. Otherwise, it's basically mad lib city.

My favorite one from the article: "(the) name of that young German corporal was Adolf Hitler."

What your mother would cringe at if she ever saw it.

Currently Listening To: Deep Purple-Child In Time
So, I did the best thing you could ever do with a permanent marker...Muwahahaha....Ahem....
So I had this spice girls mouse pad, and I had to use it because I had no other... sooo earlier on tonight I decided that it needed some spicing up(pun intended). I grabbed my handy dandy(notebook?) permanent marker and went at her. This is the result of my madness... And now when I use it I can giggle, rather than run screaming.






And the final product:

Millennium

I checked it out just a few minutes ago, and my wonderful bio is up and running on Intuitive Music! Heres the link if you wanna check it out: Mandy's Bio

Other than that I've found out that I cannot for the life of me make panckes. I mean they didnt taste all that bad with syrup on them, but over all, they were not real looking pancakes. Kind of hard to explain really. I guess I just lack the "art" of pancake making. But thats what I had for supper tonight! OH and I got some laundry done. I love the feeling of washing my comforter and curling up in it that night when its still smells fresh. Mmm Mmm good.

There's no one here to talk to, and the pain inside is makin' me numb

Currently Listening To: 3 Doors Down- Changes

So the wonderful Naomi at Intuitive Music.com invited me to be a part of their staff, because I am such an active member in their Club Extravagance community. Hey what can I say? I love the place. The people there are so welcoming and whenever I post a picture I get a positive comment(Well, unless RealBitch is posting, but she hates everyone so it doesnt matter). Naomi and Koldo asked that I be a part of their Public Relations staff, make everyone aware of their site and invite new and upcoming artists to the site. So I'm going to post the links here as some advertising, and see what kind of response that gives us! You should check out my bio and the community, you'll see a lot of rockin' people. However I do recommend that you are over 18, as some of the stuff you may see is not suitable for anyone else.

http://www.intuitivemusic.com/index.php
http://www.intuitivemusic.com/extravagance/

Thats right, Im yelling at you, what are you gonna do about it?

Currently Listening To: Apocalyptica-Path

It feels like I've been buried under the weight of the world

Currently Listening To:Anathema -ReConnect
Yesterday my entire family went to see Kelly in Haliburton. Don't believe me? It took two cars! Mom, Dad, Matthew, Kyle, Daniel, Grandma, Grandad and Me. Oh and Grandma's dog Lucky. Phew! Mom packed us a picnic lunch, which was really good. We sat out on the water front and ate our lunch first, then they went swimming and Matthew and Dad went Kayaking. (They need a spell checker on this thing). Then we went out on the barge again, Lucky had a great time there. I think it was rock climbing next and after that we went to the archery range. Overall I did more things yesterday than any other day I've been up there. However rocking climbing wasn't as fun as it usually is because I did my harness up too tight that friggen hurt.

OH and the funny part... Graham has been teasing Kelly ever since I was up the last time, telling her he's only going to come up and visit the apartment to see me, saying that when I get there hes going to hit on me, saying how much Im hot and how we're gonna go in the back forty for a half hour, etc. I was unaware of this teasing game, and when I was standing by the coffee I had my back to him (bad idea) and I had no idea who it was but they came up behind me and wrapped their arms around my waist. Now I've got my arms raised and Im all confused and going to yell rape jokingly(but I didnt know who it was so I wasnt sure how they would take it), and finally Kelly yell's "Graham!" And I spin around and laugh. The next time this happens is when Kelly and I go to the Hub and theres Graham again, and I can hear him teasing Kelly about me still, no idea what he's saying though, as theyre over sitting on one of the couches. (we have to remember here, that Kelly likes Graham and thinks he is aware of this by now). So I sat on the other couch near theres, not to disturb them, Kelly gets up to get her shoe that she threw at him earlier and he comes and sits beside me. We're talking and joking about how it'll take him about 7 minutes at least and I say we should make it 2 minutes and he says we'd better make it quick then, etc. Kelly's going so red in the face, and he likes to point this out. He's such a little shithead. He gets to sliding his hand on my leg, and Kelly says "okay! time to go Mandy!" We all laugh and leave. But I felt so bad for Kelly. And here I am not sure what the hell to do other than joke about it, cause I didnt know what to say in front of Kel. Haha good times indeed.

Anywhoo, my day yesterday was busy, and I finished my homework today. This even Adam and I are gonna to see Alien vs Predator. Big fun, Matthew and Dad said its really good. But Ive heard from some other people that it isnt like the other movies they've made of Alien, nor of Predator, which I guess is a good thing, cause we dont want them to be too much alike. We want difference people, something that differentiates them from the norm, right?? Right. :D

Similar Minds.com

Freudian Inventory Results

Genital (36%) you appear to have a pessimistic and regressive outlook on life. Latency (63%) you may be using learning as an escape from living. Phallic (56%) you appear to have a good balance of sexual awareness and sexual composure. Anal (46%) you appear to have a good balance of self control and spontaneity. Oral (63%) you appear to be overly passive and dependent, wanting things to be given to you instead of working for them.

Take Free Freudian Inventory Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Freuds theorized that there are 5 stages of psychological development. At the oral stage the main issue is dependency, at the anal stage the main issue is self control, at the phallic stage the main issue is sexual identity, at the latency stage it's skill development, and at the genital stage its creativity and productivity.

Freud theorized that psychological problems are related to problems during one or more of these stages. For example, being too cared for or too neglected causes someone to be orally fixated, too much or too little control causes someone to be anally fixated, insufficient parental role modeling causes phallic fixation.

An orally fixated person is either irrationally dependent (expects what they want to just appear) or irrationally independent (always refuses help).

An anally fixated person is either irrationally self controlled and servile to authority or has no self control and is compulsively defiant of authority.

A phallicly fixated person is either a sexual compulsive (sexually innappropriate/promiscuous) or sexually repressed.

Freud did not classify any latent fixation but I think it is as plausible as those at the other stages. I speculate that people that like to learn and acquire knowledge without any purpose or people that are compulsively non curious represent both dysfunctional ends of the latency spectrum.

The genital stage is the final Freudian developmental stage and according to Freud people don't all succeed at this. Freud believed the ideal for human happiness is to be happy in love and work, problems in one or the other cause unhappiness.

Like any personality system, Freud's developmental levels are just a theory, so, be speculative about your results.

AP: Israel Cave Linked to John the Baptist

Currently Listening To: Neil Young- Lets Roll

By KARIN LAUB
"KIBBUTZ TZUBA, Israel (AP) - Archaeologists think they've found a cave where John the Baptist baptized many of his followers - basing their theory on thousands of shards from ritual jugs, a stone used for foot cleansing and wall carvings telling the story of the biblical preacher.

Only a few artifacts linked to New Testament figures have ever been found in the Holy Land, and the cave is potentially a major discovery in biblical archaeology.

"John the Baptist, who was just a figure from the Gospels, now comes to life," British archaeologist Shimon Gibson said during an exclusive tour of the cave given to The Associated Press.

But some scholars said Gibson's finds aren't enough to support his theory, and one colleague said that short of an inscription with John's name in the cave, there could never be conclusive proof of his presence there.

John, a distant relative of Jesus - their mothers were kin, according to the Bible - was a fiery preacher with a message of repentance and a considerable following.

Tradition says he was born in the village of Ein Kerem, which today is part of modern Jerusalem. Just 2.5 miles away, on the land of Kibbutz Tzuba, a communal farm, the cave lies hidden in a limestone hill - 24 yards long, four yards deep and four yards wide.

It was carved by the Israelites in the Iron Age, sometime between 800 B.C. and 500 B.C, the scientists said. It apparently was used from the start as a ritual immersion pool, preceding the Jewish tradition of the ritual bath...."

To read the rest, go to: http://apnews.myway.com/article/20040816/D84GIE8O0.html .

Hot damn. Do I believe this story? Do I believe that because it isnt by a well known source, in my knowledge anyways, that I should just disregard it? Is it tabloid trash? I dont know. But for now I shall remain skeptical, and pretty darn amazed.

Peace out.

Nicely healed, but smooth as a baby's bottom.

Currently Listening To: Staind- Suffocate

Well, my finger is healed and doesn't hurt anymore. It's so sad that this is my latest news. But anyways, here's a new picture for everyone to see, cause I know you care about me oh so much. :P Oh and the blister is nice and smooth, and no more plastic is left on the finger. Thank god!

Healed goodnes:

Watching The Messenger

While watching the movie I decided to light on fire the plastic off of the movie packaging that I hadn't thrown in the garbage yet. This is the result of trying to save my blanket from catching on fire.

Pointer:








Thumb:


& ring finger:

I think I'm going through changes, changes...

Currently Listening To: 3 Doors down-Changes

Happy Fucking Friday The Thirteenth Everyone!

Hope your Friday goes better than mine. Goddamn day. Woken up early, and then sleeping in too late afterwards. Happy Day everyone!

This is me in my grumpy mood.

Tuesday August 10/2004

As I still do not have internet, I continue to do random chores around the house, trying to bide my time until the Bell person finally arrives. I get bored so easily now. I did not think that it was possible to be as bored as I have been. However, I have had my movies to keep me sane, as well as Malcolm.

Speaking of movies, I have just finished watching The Lost Boys again. I think I have seen the movie three times, maybe, in total. I bought it at Blockbuster the other day when Mom, Emily and I went to rent a movie. We rented Nightstalker, and for a slight B movie, it was not so bad. The story was true, so it gave it sort of a one up on the bad to good scale.

I finished painting my room purple today. One I get my computer and web cam set up in my room, which I think I will do tonight before I go to bed, I will take some pictures. It is the most gorgeous colour of purple I have ever seen. It is dark, but I do not really care about that anymore, as Shirley and Bob will not be seeing my apartment anytime soon, and to top that off they are leaving in the fall. I hope that the new owners, from 801 are as nice as Shirley and Bob are. My god my shoulders, back and hands hurt from painting. Two days straight of painting really gives you a work-out.

More news, Mom died my hair bright red for me. Actually, she streaked it, with the new L’oreal hair colours. I could have gone with a purple, an orange, a blonde or a bright red. I wanted to originally dye it with the purple, but when I looked at the side of the box to check what colour it would turn on brown hair it looked more pink than purple. Therefore, I decided to go with the bright fire engine red. They gave us a lot of product for it to be just a streaking kit, so Mom sat Matthew down in the chair and streak his as well. His hair is naturally reddish brown so it looks super cool. He thought it looked gay at first, but once he washed it with the rinse and let it dry he liked the look of it better. It does not look gay at all, and I told him I thought that. He always takes my opinion on things; I am closer to his age after all.

I think I may be dying here without the internet. I’m so far behind on so many of my assignments now, that I’m just thankful I was able to get the internet on Sunday night at home so I could email my professor and let him know that I won’t be getting any of my assignments in yet. I feel awful because one was due on the 6th, another on the 8th, and then one is due tomorrow the 10th. I haven’t begun any of them as I don’t know what the assignments are on because the information is all located on WebCT. I may be going nuts… On the other hand, I just may be dying of stress and sheer boredom. Whichever kills me first.

Try walking in my footsteps. Keep the same appointments I've kept.

Currently Listening To:Finger Eleven-Walking in My shoes

Okay so today around 3 oclock or so, I hooked up my internet, all by myself. The stupid express post guy came at like...twenty to nine it was? Yeah, way too damn early for my liking.

Anyways, here's the pictures I know you've all been waiting for that I promised...

All the words are gonna bleed from me

Currently Listening To:Theme Song- Sesame Street- Techno Remix
Okay, so I'm a cracker, what can ya do? If you don't like it, kiss my ass.

Back to the reason I'm posting. The move went great. Everyone went home with sore backs and full stomaches. There's a Little Ceasers Pizza and a MACs not far from my building. Also a community centre with a swimming pool workout room, however the membership apparently costs about $78. But Mom thinks that if I asked about subsidy I might be able to get some kind of discount because I'm a student living on my own.

Malcolm's doing fine. He likes the fact that he has an entire apartment to run around in, rather than just my bedroom. And I like the fact that I can put his food in the bathroom and his litter box in the bathtub rather than in my bedroom. However I haven't seen him since Saturday evening, so I hope he isn't too lonely.

I went out Friday night with Adam Withers, his friend Steve and we picked up a girl named Laura on the way. We couldn't figure out what to do, and because it was friday we couldn't get into the Junction(poor party pooper Mandy and her being 18). So we went to Papa's instead and played pool. Halfway through the second game Laura wanted to go home, so Steve walked her to her apartment. Adam got a call at the bar from Steve saying he was going to be awhile and to pick him up later. I got a chuckle out of that one for the rest of the night. I couldn't believe he had the audacity to just leave and then be picked up later. Adam and I ended up getting subs and going back to my place to eat them. When we got there we caught up on what each other had been doing since we last spoke, then Adam called Steve to tell him he was coming over(and the funniest part was Adam was like "you done?" and Steve replied "yeah, I'm ready" and that was it. I don't understand guys! I'd be pissed if my friend had left me to go and get laid. I guess that's most guys way of doing things though). That was the extent of my Friday night, after that I went to bed.

Saturday I cleaned, read and tried to redownload Alice on my computer. But somethings wrong with it so I gave up again and started watching some more episodes of the Millenium DVD's that I bought. I got the whole first season. Be proud! God I loved and still love that show. Mom and I used to watch it when I was younger, it was sort of our show to watch together. That and Buffy, then when Angel branched off it was that too. Plus Charmed, and when Pru died it just wasn't the same. But I recommend Millenium to anyone. Its on the Scream channel if you have Starchoice. You'll love it, it's so much better than X-Files or The Pretender. WaBaM(Drew :P).

I could break

Currently Listening To:Sevendust-xmas

Today Mom and I painted my new bathroom. It looks really hot. When Kelly arrived she was really excited.

Today my alter ego decided to make a church out of pencils. I told her that we wouldn't have enough money to build an entire church out of pencils, but she didnt listen to me and proceeded to try. We do have a lot of pencils around the house, but not nearly enough.
She came to me about an hour later and told me she was finished. I didnt believe her and had to look for myself. Turns out it was only model size. How was I supposed to know she didnt mean she was wanted to build a real sized church?

God made hundreds of millions of planets and wonderful species. But, by the time he got to us, he was scraping the bottom of the barrel.

Beware, if you are not in the mood to read something sad, turn away now.

Mom and I and the kids were driving in the car yesterday to Peterborough when we cam to an accident on the 401 just outside of Porthope. A green minivan was tipped over on its side, and someone was lying on the ground covered in a tarp, as was the van. In that instant I knew that someone had died. My first thought was that it was my friend Brandon, because he had informed me that he had the van for the week, and his Mom drives a green van. But when Mom and I and the kids got home that evening we were greeted by my Dad with some bad news.
Mom and Dads friend Annette had been in an accident, she drives a green van, and it turned out to be her that was killed. Their friend Jackie and her daughter were apparently in the car with Annette and weren't wearing their seat belts, my Dad informed us. (My Mom then proceeded to yell at Matthew because lately he hasnt been wearing his. I guess she hoped to strike some kind of fear into him. But hes 15, what fear could she instill on someone who thinks they are invincible?)
Dad explained that he heard that the person who was thrown from the vehicle had to be scraped off of the road, they couldn't tell at first whether it was a male or a female.
After Dad had told us the story my response was, "great we have to go to another funeral, or two."
My response was not in anger, but in bitterness because another friend of ours has been at his worst for a while now and has already tried to committ suicide. Mom received a call early one morning and made Dad rush over to take him to the hospital.
Hasnt the past few weeks been grand?



Story from the TorontoStar.


"Woman dies in minivan collision on 401
Tragic start to long weekend

Drivers fume over border delays


EMILY MATHIEU AND PETER EDWARDS
STAFF REPORTERS

A newspaper delivery driver was killed in a two-vehicle accident on Highway 401 yesterday near Port Hope at the start of the busy holiday weekend.

Eastbound lanes were closed for six hours after a green Chevrolet Astro minivan "wobbled and lost control" and clipped another eastbound vehicle at about 9 a.m., said Ontario Provincial Police Sergeant Dale Gear of the Northumberland detachment.

The minivan rolled over and ended up on its side, Gear said.

Annette Tripp, 40, of Port Hope was dead on the scene.

Two passengers in the minivan, Lauren McCormack, 13, and her mother, Jacqueline McCormack, 48, both of Port Hope, were thrown from the vehicle. The pair, who police say were not wearing seat belts, was airlifted from the scene just east of Port Hope. The teenager was taken to Toronto's Hospital for Sick Children. Her mother was sent to Sunnybrook hospital.

The driver of the other vehicle, Andrew Chan, 38, of Toronto, was not injured.

Copies of yesterday's edition of the Northumberland News that were being transported in the minivan were scattered along a half-kilometre stretch of highway. Police diverted cars on to local roads, creating an estimated two-hour delay for travellers, Gear said.Other serious traffic accidents across Ontario yesterday added to the toll for commuters and motorists trying to get the jump on the long holiday weekend.

Six motorists were hospitalized after a minivan and a car collided near the village of Port Sydney, 20 kilometres south of Huntsville, on Highway 11. The northbound lanes of the highway were closed for four hours shortly after 10 a.m.

One person was killed in an accident near London just before 9 a.m., when a car hit a concrete bridge and caught fire.

Meanwhile, traffic tie-ups and work slowdowns from a labour dispute between the federal government and Canadian customs agents created havoc on bridges spanning the Canada-U.S. border along the Niagara River. Delays ranged up to an hour on the downriver Queenston-Lewiston Bridge, the Rainbow Bridge at Niagara Falls and the Peace Bridge between Fort Erie and Buffalo.

"I wasn't aware there was (going to be) such a delay," a frustrated Elizabeth Simon, 37, of New Jersey said at a duty-free shop in Niagara Falls, N.Y., as she and her husband George, 37, braced themselves for the drive to Toronto for Caribana.

Hundreds of GO Transit passengers were left stranded at Guildwood station in Scarborough last night after a pedestrian was struck and killed by a commuter train at Rouge Hill station, forcing a suspension of train service. Police said the fatality was a suicide. A following eastbound train was stopped at Guildwood about 6 p.m., leaving passengers scrambling to find ways to get home."




Story from Northumberland News.

"

News delivery driver killed in crash

PORT HOPE - A Northumberland News delivery driver was killed in a two-vehicle accident on Hwy. 401 this morning.
Shortly before 9 a.m. Northumberland OPP were called to the eastbound lanes of Hwy. 401 just outside of Port Hope. A green Chevrolet Astro minivan had "wobbled and lost control", clipped another eastbound vehicle, and then rolled, eventually coming to a stop on its left side, says Sergeant Dale Gear, Northumberland OPP.

"Why there was a wobble or loss of control we do not know yet. We still do not have a good witness to the accident," adds Sgt. Gear.

Two passengers in the minivan, a 13-year-old girl and a 48-year-old woman, were thrown from the minivan and injured, police said. The teenager was airlifted to Northumberland Hills Hospital with serious back injuries and the 48-year-old woman was airlifted to Sunnybrook Hospital with serious leg injuries.

The female driver of the minivan was confirmed dead at the scene. Police did not release her identity, pending notification of next of kin.

The driver of the other vehicle was not injured, reports Sgt. Gear.

"The other two occupants (of the minivan) are lucky they are alive," says Sgt. Gear. "We are still piecing things together."

The accident scene, littered with copies of Friday's Northumberland News, spanned 500 metres of the highway and backed up traffic for several kilometres. The eastbound lanes of Hwy. 401 near Port Hope will be closed until 3 p.m. when police expect to have completed their investigation. "

Spreads the meme far and wide

Currently Listening To:Nothing

Kerry's Reagan Legacy
"On January 20th, 1981, 52 American hostages were released from fourteen months in captivity by fundamentalist insurgents at the very same moment that Ronald Wilson Reagan was being sworn into office.

"On January 20th, 2005, 147 million American hostages will be released from four years in captivity by fundamentalist insurgents at the very same moment that John Forbes Kerry is sworn into office."

http://www.thisistheshit.org/2004_07_01_shit_archive.html#109118885356766200

Currently Listening To:Moist- Ophelia

The Bible Studies course has been recently changed to “Theories in Mass Hypnosis 101.” Surprisingly no one seems to have noticed.

I'm not afraid of being here

Currently Listening To:Lit- You Make Me Complete

Ok! So I've started packing a whole shit load more now. And my room is full of boxes and garbage bags of clothes. It feels weird to look around and see my room half empty, but not. I counted, and ended up with 5 boxes of books of out of 10 boxes that I've packed so far. I'm a nerd, I'll admit it. I love to read.

I gotted a new computer! 17" flatscreen monitor, P4, 512ram, 80g hard drive, I can play DVD's and burn CD's with it. Its black and silver, and on the left panel of the tower is plexi-glass and inside there is a neon blue and red fan that spins. My god its hot. :D

I had a dream last night that I was getting frustrated because I couldnt arrange my living room furniture so that everything fit. I really hope that that won't be the case. Otherwise I'm screwed. Because I dont have any room to take say, the chair, and put it in my bedroom. And there is no getting rid of any of it! Esspecially not my antique rocking chair. Its so pretty. I put casters on the bottom of moms steamer trunk so it can be my coffee table. Its so gorgeous, but I still need to sand the metal down. Its all rusted in places. Its too bad I cant find the key for it, because Id like to be able to use it for storage. Maybe put movies in it or something.

I can't believe I move out so soon. The fifth of august and then Im off on my own. Its friggen great! Tomorrow I go to Peterborough to talk with my landlady, and I think she'll give me the key because Sunday is the first. Right? I think so. I was hoping to be able to get the key earlier, so that I could paint the bathroom, as I have already bought the paint and the wall paper border. Its going to be yellow and blue with the stars and moons theme. Very elegant. I still have to figure out what colour I want my room to be. Im thinking of going with a purple. I love purple. But we'll see, because I dont want it red again. Ive been living in a roadster red room for three years now and Im done with it.

Ive gotten so many books from the orientation... Like I needed anymore right? I also bought my textbooks for psych class, and got 'em used too! Go me. Thrifty shopper Mandy. :P Bought one of the t-shirts too though, but its cool. Not sure what the red 64 is on the bottom left of the shirt, but I guessed it was the year Trent came to be or something? *shrugs* Who knows. Could be someones idea of decoration for all I know.

Even in death my love goes on

Currently Listening To: The chatter of some people as they're walking around the Library here on campus.

So! (copies Emily's way to start) Things are going well here. I've met a bunch of new people, and a few who really spark my interest. There is a girl here who has worn a different Evanescence T-shirt both days in a row now. *winks at Emily and Amanda* I thought you guys would find that cute.

We have a lot of free time, some of the time we can go on the computers, but we have readings we're supposed to do in prep for tomorrows lecture so I started that at about ten to eight this morning. The lecture is on Witch Hunts! It's gonna be great. I asked about taking the course and they said that it's not an option for first year, I think he said it was a second year history course, but I can't exactly remember. Not really important considering I'm first year and can find that information out another time.

I've been given a lot of books that are supposed to help me with critical thinking, essay writing, preparing good sentences, help with philosophy, things like that. Mostly self help books. Not sure if I'm going to get them all read by Sunday, but it will deffinately give me something to read when I move into my apartment. Because I will be by myself until Kelly comes back from camp.

Speaking of my apartment, Mom rented the truck for the 5th, so I hope to have everything packed by then. I'm excited to see how everything looks when we move it in. I bought a love seat, a couch, a chair and an automan(sp?) at the slavation army for only 65$. (I cant remember if I have written this already or not, but I still cant get over this awesome deal!)

University Prep 101 is a lot harder than Ithought, I wasnt aware thjat we were going to have to be doing actual work and essays etc. The online course is held on Trent's website, called a Web CT online discussion board. We're given homework to do and have to have it done by a certain date. The first stuff starts out easy and prepares us for the last assignemnt which is a harder essay, they said it is supposed to help us prepare for the university because they'll be commenting on our work as we hand it in and "grading" it, correcting spelling errors and grammar errors etc. It won't actually count for anything towards university, other than the fact that its supposed to help us prepare. Which is good because I wouldnt want to fail a course before I even start University!

Last night we watched the comedy channel and played Life until about 12am. I sort of connected with a boy (not in any way more than friends, I mean c'mon, I dont even know his name!), and with our "Dorm Mother" Ulia (Not sure if its spelt that way, but thats how you say it! She's great. She's from Russia and has only been in Canada for three years now. Her passion is languages and she's majoring in Politics(yuck). Also someone here named Amber is going into the Forensic Science department. She's a nice girl, from Renfru(not sure if I spelt that right either!) She self proclaims herself a "spoiled brat" because her family has a lot of money. She said that they have like three boats, five cars, etc.

We're supposed to be having a Library Orientation right now, but no one has showed up yet for it. And by no one Imean there is only myself, Ulia and three other girls here. I bet all of the guys didn't even read their timetable (not that I'm prejudice against guys :P).  So we're getting to hang out on the computers for longer. I wish I could go on MSN. But I know that as soon as I sign in I'll be flooded with people and I'll feel bad because then I'll have to tell them in like five or ten minutes that I have to go. Most of the time thats why I don't go on MSN. I'm never on long enough for a decent conversationg with anyone.

The campus is really desserted in the summer. There are the few students who are doing summer school, or maybe wanting to catch up on reading so they hang out at the library, but other than that it's basically dead. It feels weird to be walking down school hallways and there be hardly anyone there. Ulia says it's creepy. I suppose she's used to it being filled with people all the time. It's a big school, but it only has about 5,000 students in it. Which I really like because Ive been told by some of the teachers already that that gives us an advantage because we get more one on one time with our Prof's. So awesome! Otherwise I feel weird in a class, if I havent bonded with the teacher in some way. I just feel like all the rest kind of thing.

And I can't love you anymore than I do

Currently Listening To: Evanescence- Even In Death

EEk! Tomorrow morning I leave for the orientation that I spoke of and I dont wanna go!! *breaks down and cries* I'm sooo nervous! I'm going to see so many people that are new, and and what if they don't want to talk to me? Or think that Im scary, and that Im going to eat them or something? o.0 No seriously though, I have trouble with approaching people so if someone doesn't approach me I just become a recluse and a loner and do things off on my own! *waaahhh!!* Someone needs to be there that I know, otherwise I'm gonna be so bored outta my mind. Harumph.

Plus sides: Swimming pool, curfew of 12am... How can that be a bad thing? Hopefully getting a room to myself. Maybe meeting some cool new people like myself! Yay! And getting to know the Trent layout better. It takes a long time for me to find my way around somewhere new. And I've already done an all afternoon tour thingy with mom and a tour guide, but I wouldnt know where to go if they just threw me somewhere and then said "now find room 666." Nope, couldnt do it. (notice how I put 666? Yeah, I'm a geek. What can ya do? Thats right... Nothing!! Muwahahaha!) God can you tell Im nervous? I do the crack joke make people laugh thing when Im nervous. Oh boy. This is going to be just great.

Down sides: Arranged social time. Yuck. Cafeteria food. Someone elses bed, pillow and sheets. Not being able to bring my kitty with me. Being all alone and by myself. Getting lost!! ACK! No sense of direction. Trying to remember everything and knowing I'm going to fail horribly at that. Having to live out of a bag for four days.

Looks like we're in for nasty weather

Currently Listening To: CCR- Bad Moon Rising

So I'm finally doing it. Paul mentioned that if I didnt update my blog sometime soon he was going to do something rash. So here it is. The update.
 
I'm moving soon. I can't get it off my mind. But I'm also not packed. My room looks just the same as it always does. Messy and full of shit. Mom tried to help me a bit with some stuff, but it didnt exactly make a dent. And for those people that have seen my room, they know that thats not surprising. So here I am, posting on my blog rather than packing. Mom rented the truck for the 5th of August. That's officially my due date outta here. Matthew's already begging me to hurry up and leave. He get's my room after I'm gone, and he wants to paint it and start moving his stuff in now. Mom say's she can't wait to convert Matthew's room into a sewing room so she can start folk art painting and sewing again. So it's goodbye Mandy everyone!
 
First thing's first though. Thursday morning I have to be at Trent for an orientation and Mom is coming with me. They have something for the parents too, so until lunch time she has to do course thingies too. Then at 2:30 or whatever time the parents leave she leaves me by myself for the weekend and I stay in one of the residence rooms until Sunday. Though I'm there preparing for the online course I'm gonna take for university prep, so it's not all fun and games. Then Sunday at lunch time I have to be out of the rez and Mom and Dad will come and have lunch in the big dining room area. But after this weekend it'll mean that it's even cloer to the time I have to move and I still havent packed! Shit! One things certain though, I won't have to pack any of the books that were in my bookcase 'cause they're all packed and in three big banana boxes. Taking up space in my room, but what can ya do when you've already filled the hallway with stuff for the apartment and every other available space in the living room and dining room.
 
OOoooh!! That reminds me. Yesterday I bought a couch, loveseat, overstuffed chair and an autimen that all match from the Salvation Army. They delivered it and everything. Best part is, it only cost me 65 dollars all together. 65$!! Its a damn good thing I didnt buy one when I went to the antique's auction. So my living room set is sitting in our dining room, just pleading with me to find a place to put them. They're sort of an offwhite and white colour with a raised pattern in some places, but of the same colour. No offending orange, brown and rust colours from the 70's baby. This is an expensive off white couch! Damn thats some good karma.
 
Speaking of the antique's auction. It was an old lady that died and she had everything! All gorgeous stuff not to mention. I bought an old cedar chest to put at the end of my bed, and a mahogany rocking chair. The chest was like 135$ and I had to fight with a man for the rocker which I ended up getting for 155$. He must have been an antique's dealer because he bought almost everything there! Both bedroom sets, some jewelery, some vases, that kind of thing. And hoo boy did he want that rocker, cause it went with one of the bedroom sets. God it would have been nice to have the mahogany bedroom set. It was beautiful. But waaay out of my price range.
 
Today was officially my last day at Pizza Hut. Yeah baby, no more of that shit. And go figure, Michele at work wanted me to vouch for her because of Sunday night, which I won't get into, so today I had to write a witness report for Chico, the boss of all the Pizza Huts in the area. And I'll be damned if I didnt tell the story right and tell off the managers that work there now and the ones that worked there previously in my letter. Going on about how inhumane I thought it was that I've seen people work 10 hours straight with no breaks *coughcoughsundaynightcoughcough* I don't know if it's just the way pizza hut's are, or whether they care or not about their employees, but that pissed me off. Did I ever get a break working at pizza hut for almost the whole year that I worked there? Nope. Oh sorry, except for Valentines day when we were so busy that I was the only one at the cash register and people were lined up out the door wanting to pick-up, order, or get a seat. I told Fez that I was damnwell going out for a smoke break, and he says to me "but you don't smoke" (cause you see the only people that every get a few minutes for a break are those who go for a smoke) and I told him "wel I do now!" But hey, thats over now. So I'm done with ranting about that.
 
"I am the devil and I'm commin' for you."

Sign of your awakening

Currently Listening To: A Perfect Circle- Sleeping Beauty
 I was fiddling around with my picture viewer again and brought up some older pictures to re-vamp. In these you can tell how much I like the colour purple! ^.^   
 
Purple
Black and White
Black & White

Flood emergency declared in Peterborough, Ont.

Currently Listening To: The Radio
 
Flood emergency declared in Peterborough, Ont.
CTV.ca News Staff

Many people in Ontario city of Peterborough spent their supper hour frantically piling sandbags to fight rising floodwaters.
Their city is under a state of emergency, having been hit with a mind-boggling deluge of rain in the last 24 hours.
"We had a slow-moving weather disturbance called a cold low,"  Geoff Coulson of Environment Canada told CFTO News on Thursday.
Such systems are typically accompanied by heavy bands of precipitation -- which can pose problems when the system centres over an area, he said.
Peterborough was hit by two such bands, one Wednesday evening and the other early Thursday. Together, they dumped 193 millimetres of rain on the city of 70,000, Coulson said.
CFTO News weatherman Dave Devall had two words for Peterborough and other Eastern Ontario cities: More rain.
"This system is very slow-moving and it's loaded with moisture," he said.
Environment Canada has virtually all of Eastern Ontario under a weather warning.
State of emergency
Peterborough Mayor Sylvia Sutherland and police chief Terrence McLaren declared a state of emergency early Thursday, when backed-up storm sewers left parts of the city under water overnight.
The downpour dumped so much water on the central Ontario city, sewers and the Ontanabee River running through town were filled beyond capacity.
While the city's drinking water is safe, people living downstream were advised to not take water from the Otanabee River.
Under the weight of so much rainwater, part of the roof of Lansdowne Place shopping mall collapsed. Some 200 residents were also evacuated from a long-term care facility after its roof suffered a partial collapse.
Basements flooding almost to the main floor were a common sight, and toilets on the ground level of a downtown hotel were spewing dirty water.
In parts of the city's downtown core, flooding was so bad, streets were impassable. Transit service was suspended and many businesses remained closed.
CFTO News' John Musselman said one of the most heavily-called businesses in Peterborough Thursday were insurance companies. However, no one has a damage estimate yet, he said.
Alicia Kay-Markson said there was a report that some valuable historical books were damaged.
One family told CFTO News that this was the third flood that's hit their home since 1980, but is by far the worst.
Police Staff Sergeant Steve Streeter says officials are taking small consolation in the fact no injuries have been reported.
"Fortunately we have not had any reports of injuries. We do have some heavy flooding in various parts of the city, but people are coping reasonably well so far."
To make sure that doesn't change, Streeter told CTV Newsnet that Peterborough residents should stay home.
"If you have no reason to leave your home and are relatively safe and dry, home is probably a good place to be," he said. "We still have some heavy flooding in various areas within the city and getting around is difficult."
Some people tried to make the best of it, going out in canoes and kayaks, and a few even swimming. But health officials said people should avoid the dirty water as much as possible.
 
Other flooding
Elsewhere in the province, as well as parts of neighbouring Quebec, officials are dealing with the effects of recent days' thunderstorms.
Near the northern Ontario city of North Bay, for example, officials are dealing with roads washed out by heavy rain.
Responding to at least two separate washouts, the Ontario Provincial Police says a section of Highway 63 linking North Bay and Temiscaming has been closed.
Deluged by more than 70 millimetres of rain, Temiscaming mayor Philip Barrette says his town is essentially isolated.
The only road out, Highway 101, leads north to Ville Marie, Quebec. Parts of that highway was also washed away but it has since re-opened.
CFCF News' Rob Lurie said rivers in the Temiscaming area were already high when the new rain hit.
"The new rain washed out beaver dams, that made the water levels rise even more, and it literally started coming right through the road."
Officials really hope water levels don't rise further, especially in the Ottawa River, he said.
 
 
Oh and the best part yet!! More rain ahead for tonight! Doesn't that just make you happy??

Lego Spider Man

Currently Listening To:
I saw the new spider man movie tuesday night. It was really well done! And the end has quite the twist. But Ill leave that for you to see and not ruin it for you. =P

Heres a version I recommend everyone seeing. Lego Spider Man and Doc Oc

Ive also started a proboards forum for The Unloved. Something I thought needed to be done. Ive had a ton of people telling me I could do better than an MSN site. So here it is. The site of wonders: http://theunloved.proboards23.com.

Daddy wasn't there, to take me to the fair, to change my underwear

Currently Listening To: Nora Jones-Butterfly

*yawn* I think the summer is going to go by with flying colours. I've really messed up my sleeping schedule. I'm not getting to bed before 2am anymore, and then not waking up until almost 1pm.

I still haven't found a couch for my apartment. I think it's going to end up being one of those things that I buy when I've already moved in. But then I'm not sure what colour I'll be able to paint the living room. I'd kind of like it to match the couch. But if I end up having to just paint the walls a light colour like white or cream, then so be it.

I've spent a lot of money lately. I'm not sure where it's all gone! I know a lot of it has gone towards the apartment. Actually almost all of it has. But I've also spent a lot on just little things, and other people. I'm not even making enough money at pizza hut to make up for the amount I've spent. I hope I don't go to over-board.

The waterfront festival was this past weekend. I watched the fireworks with Brynn, Emily, Kyle(sorry for forgetting you!)Matt and Melissa. We had a good time, though the fireworks weren't as good as they were last year. I don't think they'll be able to beat last years. I also got another henna tattoo. I love henna. It's so gorgeous. I get a henna tattoo every year. It's kind of like a tradition for myself. This year I spent about 27$ on mine. But it was well worth it. The lady who has always done mine uses only brown henna (she has a thing against the black), so this year there was another lady doing only black henna. I got mine done with her, just for a change. Here's a picture:

The MEME that I made. Do it! You know you want to!

What will you be known for? by VampireDust
Your name:
You once:	Used a firehose to wash your neighbors car
There was this one time that:	During the football game you ran onto the field stark naked screaming "there really is a God!"
Everyone loves that:	They can never tell when you are being serious because you are always sarcastic
The thing that everyone is to afraid to tell you:	They think your Mom/Dad is hot
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Can't think of what to say, can't think of what to do, just think I'm losing my mind

Currently Listening To: Evanescence-Hello

Malcolm is back home today from the vet. We dropped him off yesterday to have his claws removed and to have him fixed. He seems to be doing just fine. Only problem is I dont think he likes the fact that instead of there being litter in his litter box there is newspaper. He's not quite used to it yet. Hopefully he'll use it though! Cause I dont want him going on my floor or under my bed.

I took some new pictures, and then I fiddled with my photoenhancer thingy that the webcam came with and came up with this:

Neat eh?

From the word of God ladies and gentlemen

Currently Listening To: Finger Eleven-Obvious Heart

Restless tonight cause I wasted the light

Currently Listening To: Finger Eleven-One Thing
The Pickle Jar


The pickle jar as far back as I can remember sat on the floor
beside the dresser in my parents' bedroom. When he got ready for
bed, Dad would empty his pockets and toss his coins into the jar.

As a small boy I was always fascinated at the sounds the coins made
as they were dropped into the jar. They landed with a merry jingle
when the jar was almost empty. Then the tones gradually muted to a
dull thud as the jar was filled. I used to squat on the floor in
front of the jar and admire the copper and silver circles that
glinted like a pirate's treasure when the sun poured through the
bedroom window. When the jar was filled, Dad would sit at the
kitchen table and roll the coins before taking them to the bank.

Taking the coins to the bank was always a big production. Stacked
neatly in a small cardboard box, the coins were placed between Dad
and me on the seat of his old truck. Each and every time, as we
drove to the bank, Dad would look at me hopefully. "Those coins are
going to keep you out of the textile mill, son. You're going to do
better than me. This old mill town's not going to hold you back."

Also, each and every time, as he slid the box of rolled coins
across the counter at the bank toward the cashier, he would grin
proudly. "These are for my son's college fund. He'll never work in
the mill.
We would always celebrate each deposit by stopping for an ice cream
cone. I always got chocolate. Dad always got vanilla. When the
clerk at the ice cream parlour handed Dad his change, he would show
me the few coins nestled in his palm. "When we get home, we'll
start filling the jar again." He always let me drop the first coins
into the empty jar. As they rattled around with a brief, happy
jingle, we grinned at each other. You'll get to college on pennies,
nickels, dimes and quarters," he said. "But you'll get there. I'll
see to that."

The years passed, and I finished college and took a job in another
town. Once, while visiting my parents, I used the phone in their
bedroom, and noticed that the pickle jar was gone. It had served
its purpose and had been removed. A lump rose in my throat as I
stared at the spot beside the dresser where the jar had always
stood. My dad was a man of few words, and never lectured me on the
values of determination, perseverance, and faith. The pickle jar
had taught me all these virtues far more eloquently than the most
flowery of words could have done. When I married, I told my wife
Susan about the significant part the lowly pickle jar had played in
my life as a boy. In my mind, it defined, more than anything else,
how much my dad had loved me.

No matter how rough things got at home, Dad continued to doggedly
drop his coins into the jar. Even the summer when Dad got laid off
from the mill, and Mama had to serve dried beans several times a
week, not a single dime was taken from the jar. To the contrary, as
Dad looked across the table at me, pouring catsup over my beans to
make them more palatable, he became more determined than ever to
make a way out for me. "When you finish college, Son," he told me,
his eyes glistening, "You'll never have to eat beans again...unless
you want to."

The first Christmas after our daughter Jessica was born; we spent
the holiday with my parents. After dinner Mom and Dad sat next to
each other on the sofa, taking turns cuddling their first
grandchild. Jessica began to whimper softly, and Susan took her
from Dad's arms. "She probably needs to be changed," she said,
carrying the baby into my parents' bedroom to diaper her.
When Susan came back into the living room, there was a strange mist
in her eyes. She handed Jessica back to Dad before taking my hand
and leading me into the room. "Look," she said softly, her eyes
directing me to a spot on the floor beside the dresser. To my
amazement, there, as if it had never been removed, stood the old
pickle jar, the bottom already covered with coins. I walked over to
the pickle jar, dug down into my pocket, and pulled out a fistful
of coins. With a gamut of emotions choking me, I dropped the coins
into the jar. I looked up and saw that Dad, carrying Jessica, had
slipped quietly into the room. Our eyes locked, and I knew he was
feeling the same emotions I felt. Neither one of us could speak.
This truly touched my heart.
Sometimes we are so busy adding up our troubles that we forget to
count our blessings. Never underestimate the power of your actions.
With one small gesture you can change a person's life, for better
or for worse.

"The best and most beautiful things cannot be seen or touched -
they must be felt with the heart." ~ Helen Keller

www.blogsex.com

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This is Malcolm, my scrapper kitty who loves to cuddle. 

I think the word -disgusted- fits how I feel right now

Currently Listening To: A Perfect Circle-The Package

So I'm not going to get into why I feel disgusted right now, because apparently when I express my opinions on things I seem to get other people into trouble. Don't ask me how that works, considering if it's my opinion it should be me who would get into trouble. And even then it would be stupid to get me into trouble for it, because it would be my own opinion. Sometimes I just don't get how some peoples minds work. But anyways, I'm not going to get into any details. Other than I'm sorry to the person who's getting in trouble for what I say. No matter what she knows that I still love her, even if everyone else doesn't like me.

Today after my Politics exam I went over to Lil Amanda's house and we sat and talked, studied, listened to music and then went to her Grandmas house because Amandas house was going to have a showing at 2 oclock. Her Grandmas house is really close to the mall, so we went over and browsed for a bit. I bought some pins for my bag and two c.d's: Finger Eleven-Self Titled and A Perfect Circle-Thirteenth Step. Amazing C.D.'s, glad I finally had the balls to spend the bucks to buy them. I also bought a poster for Lil Amanda, but I owe her money anyways, from all the times shes bought me drinks and pretzels from the vending machines at school. She was very happy, let me tell you. She couldn't stop hugging me.

So my rooms a huge mess, and I really don't feel like cleaning it. Plus I don't have Kelly here anymore to keep me going. I just feel like letting it sit the same way it is all summer like I did last summer. Of course I don't think I'll do that again. I know that if I take my pills regularily and like I'm supposed to I'll have enough oomph to do more things.

Malcolm and Oliver are doing great and getting along again. I didnt see them doing it, but apparently they were really close to each other today, to the point where Oliver was licking Malcolms head. I knew they would get along eventually, considering they got along just fine when they were at the shelter. Now there's just the problem of getting Malcolm and Cleo to be friends. I think even Oliver and Cleo are getting to the point where they are willing to put up with each other. I mean Cleo had gotten over the fact that Oliver was there, but she worked Oliver up to the point where he was over the edge and started growling at her. Then it started all over again. Apparently they're good today though. Thank god. I like it when things start to work themselves out.

Well, wish me luck on my exam tomorrow. I have an art exam, and I have to memorize all the architectural periods. I know that for sure Ill be able to remember the Gothic period, considering the architecture was gorgeous, and I was at school most of the time when we worked on that chapter. I wonder what I got on my last painting I did. Hopefully as well as my first painting. I think it was 88% that I received. I should post a picture of them when I get my second one back. Show you guys how neat I think they look. I know I won't fail the class, I had a 91% in it, so even if I fail the exam it won't go down by much.

"Not to pull your halo down, around your neck and tug you down..."

And I knew, that you ment it

Currently Listening To: Our Lady Peace- Superman's Dead

Well, today was officially my last day of high school before exams. It's only just hitting me now that I'll be moving into my own apartment in August, and going to University in a strage town. Help? I feel scared and excited at the same time. I know things'll go just fine. And I mean it's not like I'll be living alone, Kelly is going to be my roommate. So I don't know what I'm so worried about.

I'm scared that my program is going to be too hard, and I'm going to go and get discouraged easily. I mean, I'm not going to drop out, I would never do that, but I'm scared of getting aweful marks. I'm not used to bad marks, so it kind of scares me to know that when you hit University and College your marks drop almost ten percent. Right now I'm an average of 70-79% student. So I really don't want that to drop any lower than it already is. I'm thinking that because doing this is going to be really important, it'll make me try harder and possibly I'll acheive better than what I've been getting in the past few years of high school. I used to be a straight A student in elementary school. I guess things just change as you get older.