I just don't understand...Its not one big fairy tale after all...This is reality.

What a way to finish off the weekend, and bring the christmas spirit about. Do you ever get the feeling that a part of you is missing? You are feeling so guilty for not having enough money to give your baby what he needs. You cant stop crying and it feels as if you never will. The one who you have taken care of, and who's taken care of you is sick and needs you, but there is nothing you can do. So you watch him lay there, under your bed, hidden because he is in pain and doesn't want to be disturbed. You can see his paw sticking out, and you want to lift him into your arms and hug him until he cant take it anymore and licks your face. You watch when he walks, how he drags his leg behind him, his paw gone cold, his stubborness showing through as he wont just lay down and rest. I guess cats are like that, stubborn I mean. 13 years old he turned this month. My baby, my child, the only one that Ive ever fully given my heart to. I thought he was immortal, never ending. He was a God in my eyes. And now I cant help him when he needs me most. Instead I have to take him to the vet to be put down. You know that even though he is right across the room from you, purring, breathing deeply in a half sleep, soon he will be gone and you'll be lonely and empty. That there will be no turning back, because there was no preventing what was to happen. You know that the world has come to an end.