The great art of life is the sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain.

And so I sit here, after Chelsea has left again tonight, sipping a cup of jumbleberry tea and listening to a burned mix C.D. that little Amanda gave to me last night. Is it wierd that if I don't talk to Paul before I go to bed at night I feel as if I am missing something? Am I letting him take over my thoughts again? Do I even care?

I guess there comes a point in a persons life where they have to start sticking up for themselves. Where do you draw the line at friendship or being walked all over? Should I be letting Chelsea come over after shes finished staying after school using their computers, only to use my computer? Not to mention she spends the time looking up Gundam or Yugioh porn, talking on MSN, or cybering with Damian. The only time she would pay attention to me during this time would be to show me a picture she has found, or laugh about something funny someone said. Should I be letting this bother me? My Mother says that she hates it when Chelsea comes over and just sits using my computer. Am I letting her walk all over me? Should I tell her if she wants to come over its not going to be just to use my computer?

I heard a really cool song today, Ive heard it before, but I just realized how much I enjoy it. Its the song that starts off the Stigmata movie, where they say "Hail Mary Full Of Grace...etc" It has the greatest beat and the girls voice is just awesome. Im thinking about DLing it onto my computer. And for those of you who are confused, I have the song on the burned CD that little Amanda made for me. I guess since my keyboard has gone and turned against me, Ive been listening to CD's a lot more lately. Usualy I just DL a song and listen to it from my computer, but its very hard to listen to anything when its being cut off by an annoying beep everytime you press the spacebar.

Okay so I have to write a 1000 word essay on Chanrithy Him for Philosophy class. Only one problem, I have to pick out of 6 questions, only 1! How am I supposed to extend my answer to reach 1000 words and put it in essay format? (Oh and it was due yesterday too) Oh god, Im so aweful.

Finished my tea now. It was damn good. I missed the coffee house today cause I didnt go to school. The stupid power went out because of the rain and apparently I woke up at 11:30am. Oops? Well its not like it was my fault! I dont have a clock in my head that wakes me up when its time to go to school. Im one of thoes people whos body sleeps until it doesnt need anymore sleep, but is able to force herself back to sleep for long periods of time. Such as what I did on Tuesday. Got home from school at about 3pm and slept from then on until 6:30 the next morning. Of course there were a few interuptions in between; people asking me if I wanted supper, children yelling, doors slamming, toilet flushing...etc. But I still managed to sleep until it was time for school the next day. Sometimes I think the reason I get so many headaches is because of my sleep schedule. Its so off! And usualy the only way I can get to sleep in the first place is if I have taken my anti-depressants around 5:30. Approximately supper time, otherwise Im not tired at a decent time.

ENIGMA

The Dream Of The Dolphin
(David Fairstein)

In every colour there's the light.
In every stone sleeps a crystal.
Remember the Shaman, when he used to say:
"Man is the dream of the dolphin".