Ta Da!! "Hang my head, drown my fears, till you all just dissapear."

Aint I the most awesome person you've every met in your whole entire menial life?! I fixed my blog all by myself, and Im not telling you how either. =P

Sorry for a)not fixing the problem sooner, b)changing the few things that I did, c)calling your life menial, d)not posting properly and as often as I should.

And now that the apologies are over, Id like to say that I am enjoying life more and more lately. You'd really never have known it but I was, until lately, one of the most depressed people you'll ever meet. Though of course I used to keep the worst part of my depression inside myself, but its now almost entirely gone. I know it wont ever be completely gone, because thats close to impossible, but where I'm at right now I can live with. But enough talking about all this great new stuff thats been happening and on to the more depressing news.

Today is the 3rd anniversary of my little brother Ryan. He died in 2000 and its been three years now that we've been without him. Went up to my Grandmas with my family today for supper. Didnt go to school either, slept in until 2:30...went to bed at 11. A little too much sleep for Mandy again. Caused a stupid headache. And I didnt need that on top of everything. Grandma and Grandad live in Hastings, where we used to live, which is why we went up there to visit, cause Ryans buried there. Makes sense right? It's what we've done every year since. Went up there and visited the grave, which my other little brothers call "Ryans house," and then had supper. Its not normaly a happy time, but today everyone was kinda in good spirits, I guess it's been long enough for everyone so that it's settled in some. Sort of makes it easier to accept. Normaly I just push it to the back of my head, and there it stays. I know its not healthy, but I just havent had the time or will power to find a way to deal with it. But anyhow, today was okay overall.

Matthews been missing too much un needed school lately. He missed thursday, friday, monday morning and today. Hes only in grade nine and already off to a bad start. Hes just like I used to be. Missing school just for the heck of it, mostly because you're just too depressed to think about school. It really is stressful. I cant really remember most of my grade nine year. It could be because thats when Ryan died. Actualy that is why. I tried to block everything out of my mind that had to do with Ryans death, things associated with it and such. Guess Im just being an over protective older sister.