Temporarily disabled...

Okay so Villagephotos.com has temporarily disabled their services for free accounts which would be why all of my pictures and crap are screwed up. Sorry bout that my dear Bloggy, but there are other people in the world to consider and it isn't always about you, I'm sorry to say. If I've broken your little heart please don't take your anger out on yourself and shut down, you know I still love you, and as long as we have Paul and Kelly still reading my blog regularly and I continue to write in you periodically, you still have a reason to live. *hugs you Bloggy* You're one of my best friends, you have to know that.

Sympathy for the Deviled Eggs

Christmas has its fans and foes, but the tanenbaum-crazed, decked in holiday sweaters, are a different story. Leslie Harpold comes to terms with her love for the Yule.

“Authenticity, on the other hand, believes in the messy process of creativity. It’s unpopular and out of fashion. It worships failure, regarding it as a romantic and noble pursuit - better to be a flamboyant failure than any kind of benign success.”

NIGHTMARE FAIRIES

So, according to this article, PETA has decided to hand out fliers to little kids coming out of the Nutcracker. The fliers "include a color drawing of a woman plunging a large bloody knife into the belly of a terrified rabbit. The fliers urge kids to 'ask your mommy how many dead animals she killed to make her fur clothes.'"

As long as PETA is educating the public on how animals have similar feelings and instincts to humans, perhaps they should pause and consider how a mother bear reacts when someone threatens her cubs.

There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza. There's a hole in my bucket dear Liza, a hole.

Okay, holy crap on a stick its been a really long time. I miss you again bloggy! How come I am always having to be away from you for so long.

Guess what movies I just finished watching? League of Extrordinary Gentlemen and Dreamcatcher. Interesting movies to say the least. Dad bought League, and Matthew rented Dreamcatcher at my request. He was going to buy it before we rented it, because apparently hes collecting Steven King movies, and of course I talked him out of it. Who buys movies before you watch them? Just because the writer of the book may be great, doesnt mean the movie will be. And as it turns out the movie was off its rocker thats for sure. I know that Steve is as well, but oh boy. Anyways Im sure Matthew will buy it still. Hey, I tried didnt I? Hes a bit of an impulse buyer.

Well its officially how many days until Christmas? I still have to wrap Pauls present. But other than that I got the rest of the houses wrapping done, minus the ones for myself, assuming I am getting any presents. Its not like Ive been a very good girl or anything... Hah, just kidding, of course Ive been a good girl. My grades are even in the high 70's this semseter so far. Arent you proud of me? Now how in the world did I get on talking about school? Yech. Paul, thats what I really wanted to talk about. On to the next paragraph.

Dear Paul,
I talked to you only just last night, but I still miss you. Yes thats mushy and I know you dont mind, but dear viewers excuse me on that one. Very sorry.
Mandy.

Short but sweet, isnt that the best kind? He's coming down in a few days, I feel bad for the 15 hour drive that hes going to have to go through, but Im sure he can do it. I really dont want him driving up alone... But because Drew is still not in good enough condition, Im not sure what else he can do. Please be safe.

I wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas as it may be another few days until I get to vent again. Im feeling a little queezy right now as Ive had a bit to drink again. Coconut Rum and Coke. And considering its been a long time since Ive had pop, its burning my stomache. Woo, go me. Im a smrt one arent I? (Spelling mistake intended). Just thought Id add that for clarrification and such.

Blessings to all, and a happy holiday to you.

"Your legs are smooth as they graze mine."

Okay so I officially had a good day today! Even though Brynn likely thinks Im crazy.

But I blame it on giving blood last night, which was awesome. I bruise so damn easily, and I have this big purple and red bruise on my inner elbow, and damnit it hurts. But I saved three lives, that just makes up for it all, of course. In total Ive saved nine lives since I was seventeen. Which means Ive given blood three times, and my goal is to give one hundred times. Quite the goal Id say. But I can reach it easily if I go at least twice a year. Cause you can go every fifty-six days, but I suppose so far Ive missed twice since I turned seventeen.

I made a To Fix Mandy list. This is what would fix me:

• Vitamine B12, C & B6 pills,
  
• a regular sleep pattern,
  
• drink more water and/or juice,
  
• take my nightly pills consistantly,
  
• worry and stress less,
  
• relax once in awhile,
  
• take iron pills,
  
• exercise more often again,
  
• get more sleep,
  
• learn better ways to cope with stress,
  
• take a vacation once in awhile,
  
• deal with problems when they arise,
  
• procrastinate less,
  
• relieve chronic pain everywhere,
  
• take hot bubble baths,
  
• eat properly and regularily,
  
• prolonged, unexplained weakness needs to be looked at,
  
• talk to my doctor about everything and stop being a chicken,
  
• stop thinking everyone is out to get me,
  
• finaly call the doctor and arrange my physical,
  
• and fix dehydration! ASAP.
  

So there you have it folks. Anything you can think of to add to the list, just let me know and Ill add them in.

Peace, love and happiness.
Merry Christmas.

Today was an aweful day at school. I arrived at school on time and everything, but ended up falling alseep on Chelseas lap in guidance. I am so stressed that Ive even already thrown up. I need to calm down or something. Lord help me.

Hello, (insert name here)! The whole world would
know you by your birth name. You would not have
a special name, or you would not be unknown.
Everything you do would be recognized. You
would leave things in the open. You hate
getting caught in things you do, since it may
tend to happen a lot. That is why, I must say,
that you would probably get caught faster and
easier than usual. You may just be famous for
your slaughters, and then forgotten after
you're off the streets.


What Would Your Serial Killer Name Be? What Would the Public Know You As?
brought to you by Quizilla

I think this is one of those points in ones life where they can officialy say they are having a breakdown. Im pretty sure that when your cat dies in your arms, you deserve it. Im sorry to tell everyone this, but Whiskers passed away at about 6pm this evening. I know its been two weeks of painful waiting and stressful days and nights, but I suppose thats over now, sort of. I guess its not really supposed to be me appologizing for Whiskers' death, but I feel bad to tell you this blogger my friend. Its because I know you care. You are there when I need to write, and even the Unloved isnt a good place for me to do that now. I feel awkward doing it there now. I really need to be hospitalized or something. I have an essay thats supposed to be due tomorrow, but Im sure if I explain my cercumstances on what happened tonight to my student teacher she'll just tell me I dont have to write it. I hope anyways. She did already know that Whiskers was dying and that it was really hard on me. I havent been able to stop crying now everytime I think about him. As far as I am concerned if your loved one is going to die and you know it, it had better be in your arms, and so thats how it went. After he had died his body was still spasming. It was so aweful. It made me think that maybe, just maybe there was a chance that he was still alive. But I know thats not true. It was just his nerves. I dont know if I can right anymore. Its making me sick to think about everything and I just need to sleep for a few years straight. Or even admit myself so I can have some much needed and deserved stress free time. Im so glad that school is done this week and Paul is coming down soon. I need some time away from myself I think. Ill tell you more about what happened tonight tomorrow if and when I blog, dear blogger. I love you and I missed you.

I was just surfing through some other peoples blogs, and thought I'd come up with a Christmas list for my adoring fans. O.o It'll be updated as I go along, finding new things I want to add to the list. So all you Big Sugar Daddy's out there who adore me, this is for you!

• Edible flavoured oils from JT's Stockroom
  
• something pretty from Westward Bound
  
• a full body massage by a gorgeous male speciman
  
• rubies and emeralds and opals, oh my
  
• a big, flat monitor
  
• rich, dark chocolate, and lots of it
  
• laser hair removal for all the parts I never want to shave or wax again
  
• a big, flat screen TV
  
• a mansion/castle with its own dungeon and a yacht, fully staffed
  
• black latex thigh-high stockings from JT's Stockroom
  
• a pretty fetish dress from Azrael's Accomplish Design
  
• a trip to all the seven wonders of the world, and then some
  
• a cute Living Dead Doll from here
  
• a shiny new L. Diablo in sparkly silver, make sure its suped up!
  
• any night alone any day of the week with any man I choose at any time I choose
  
• free web site of my own with the works baby, plus free access to all restricted sites on the net.
  

I wish I was special, so fuckin special, but I'm a creep.

And that aint what you wanna hear, but thats what I'll do.

MY my has it been a busy few days, I feel lost without you dear blog. I missed you, did you miss me? On the bright side I made money Thurs, and Fri night. Yay for Pizza Hut? Yeah I know what you're thinking dear blog, why work at Pizza Hut when you swore to yourself you wouldnt work at any food places ever again? Well that would be because Fez, my new boss, basicaly begged my Dad, who is a driver there, to come in for an interview. What can I say Blog my love, Im just so amazing.

I really need to talk to Paul soon before I go nuts. Ive been thinking about him a lot in the past few days. While mom was colouring my hair last night we were talking about him. Mom cant believe hes actualy coming down, I guess she thought that because he lives so far away, and because in her own words "its only the internet" that he wouldnt actualy come down. So I reminded her that we've known each other for 2 years over the net and talked on the phone a lot in the past few months. She asked where he is going to stay when he comes down and I said possibly at the Lotus motel, as far as I know its really cheap. I forgot to mention possibly Jills house, but whatever works. Jokingly I told her I told Paul he could sleep in my wonderful shed. I told her how I got Paul going for a bit there that he was actualy going to sleep in my shed and stuff. She didnt think that was a very good idea. Jee I wonder why? Kinda cold or something.

Oh My Goth!

Oh dear lord I have the weirdest greatest friends ever. Today on The Unloved we were all posting from our houses about stuff that makes us happy. I started the thread a little while ago, but apparently everyone is just figuring it out now. Somehow Chelsea mentioned silk boxers, and then we started posting why we were happy because of silk boxers. How about I just post everyones answers, oh yes, that would be the easiest thing to do by far.

VampireDust= Mandy (Me)
RavenFeathers= Chelsea
dontcaresgoaway= Brynn
kamikazedreamer= Rebecca

So here ya are, our crazyness.

"Happiness is...
RavenFeathers- Discussing the finer points of underwear with your friends.
VampireDust- Listening to Pavarotti sing about his love for elephants.....*lovesick sigh*
RavenFeathers- Trying to figure out how silk boxers are slippy and slidy and like being wedged in people's bums.
VampireDust- watching a boy pick his silk boxers out of his crevase.
RavenFeathers- boys in silk boxers!!
VampireDust- Mandy in silk boxers!
RavenFeathers- Mandy with silk boxers on her head!!
kamikazedreamer- rebecca stealing the boxers!
dontcaresgoaway- me watching you guys run around in boxers
VampireDust- Mandy wearing invisible boxers.
dontcaresgoaway- mmmmmm..... invisible boxers
VampireDust- Stealing Brynn's thoughts and hiding them in a locked chest which she keeps under her bed.
dontcaresgoaway- heh.... yeah.
kamikazedreamer- rebecca stealing ALL of your boxers, putting them in her ear, and laughing evilly.
dontcaresgoaway- Brynn poking becca in the sides cause she ruined the boxers. and cause it's fun.
kamikazedreamer- rebecca stealing all of your briefs too!
dontcaresgoaway- NNNNNNOOOOOOO!!!! wait i dont wear briefs.... yay!!!
kamikazedreamer- ...
no boxers and no briefs? but that means...








OH GOD, MY EYES!

that was unexpected. excuse me while i go cleanse my eyes with holy water to preserve my chaste manner around others and keep me faithful to the Lord.
dontcaresgoaway- HAHAHAHA haha....ha. you suck.
VampireDust- watching the flickering flame of a candle
kamikazedreamer- and you're complaining why?
VampireDust- happiness is being surrounded with intelligent people.
dontcaresgoaway- Happiness is me dancing my merry little jig."


And thus ends our little messages back and forth to each other. Thats just a little tib bit of how weird we are together! I should post our in progress role playing conversation too... Hmmmm.. *strokes her non-existant gottee* Thats a good idea...

"Kyle put that on the stairs now, and give Mandy her slippers back!"

Oh yes, its seems that our house has been blessed with loads of luck these few months now! Now my brothers love bird tweety is dying. Hes had the thing for a few years now, but apparently he just spotted him in the bottom of his cage, and he couldnt walk. He apparently hurt his foot, and hes all lethargic and stuff. Poor thing.

Whiskers isnt any better, in fact I think hes worse. I give him until Wednesday... I know thats sad to say, but I think I said it before in a previous post, its like you get apathetic towards the situation. Im kinda used to him being sick now... I dont want to feel this way, dont get me wrong, its just hard to be any other way.

Im so sick of being sad and tired. I just want to be truly happy for once. God is that so hard to ask? Like its not a big thing, apparently there are tons of people out there that are happy all the time. But not me or most of my friends. But go figure, I would choose the friends that are in the same condition as me. My Mum tells me Im supposed to be surrounding myself with people who are in the opposite mood as me. But I hate that, you look at them and they make you feel sick. It also depends on what type of mood you are in I guess, because there are a lot of times when either Kelly or Chelsea are in really good moods and off I go, taking on there mood too.

I feel bad right now because Corry and Damian are in the chat room with me, but Im not talking all that much, but to me, blogging right now seems the better choice. I need to get this shit off of my chest. So little to talk about in so many words. I seem to be the master at doing that. Dragging on the topic until someone, usualy Chelsea, does the whole 'okay next topic!' thing. Woe is me?

"Oh fucking retarded god" Damian cracks me up. The things my friends say. Oi.

BLUE You give your love and friendship unconditionaly. You enjoy long, thoughtful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive. Find out your color at Quiz Me!

Are you Addicted to the Internet? 64% Hardcore Junkie (61% - 80%) While you do get a bit of sleep every night and sometimes leave the house, you spend as much time as you can online. You usually have a browser, chat clients, server consoles, and your email on auto check open at all times. Phone? What's that? You plan your social events by contacting your friends online. Just be careful you don't get a repetitive wrist injury... The Are you Addicted to the Internet? Quiz at Quiz Me!

Your Score for The 100 Acre Personality Quiz: 36% out of 100%

Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

May 7/2003

(Some poetry from this past summer)


Can everybody feel like I do?
Memories are just where you leave them,
What did you expect to find?
I would die for you.

Remember what I said?
Just to feel you here by my side,
Dont you know you make me cry?
But the tears aren't for fears.

Were there things I could never say?
Im going to do it again,
Aren't you sick of everything?
Ive rubbed my face in the dirt.

Why have I always felt alone?
Smelled the flowers in my garden,
Where do you think you are going?
Purple skys hang overhead.

How is there truth in what you've said?
Haze hangs lazily along the path,
Where do your thoughts linger?
I stand here face to face with death.

Are you someone that I used to know?
You never noticed me,
What do you see?
There is perfection in the sweetest of kisses

Oh... My... God...

It feels oh so good to be back here blogging again. You dont realize how much you miss blogging until you are gone from it for a few days. Oh and my Dad bought me a shiny new keyboard today. Its black and the keys press in really easily, AND the spacebar doesnt beep!! Oh hail there is a god.

This weekend was really stressful, I know in the last sentence I said there was a god, but you dont really believe that thats what I believe do you? If there was, then my kitty Whiskers, whom Ive had since I was 4 years old, would not be laying on my bed, dying as we speak. If there was a god, he wouldnt have gotten my hopes up and made Whiskers seem like he was getting better up until yesterday. He wouldnt hav been such a prick and given Whiskers whatever it is he has. I hate you god. If you are there, and you can hear me, I hate you.

Now that that is off my chest, my hating god and all...

Ive been crying all day, I cant seem to stop. I mean who can blame me and all. I was so depressed earlier when I wanted to call my relatives and let them know that Whiskers was dying, that my Mum had to call them for me. Which of course ended up with my Mum crying, me crying, and whoever at the time she was talking to on the other line crying as well. We sat in the living room with the DVD player on pause(we were watching X-Men ll but dad had to go and get some KFC because it was already 6:30 and we hadnt eaten anything, even though I wasnt hungry), I watched Whiskers who went from my lap to the floor, he cant seem to get comfortable, and Mum used the phone.

I am not sure which is worse, waiting and watching your loved one die, or having it happen so instantaniously. I mean, Ive had both happen to me so far, so youd think I would have the asnwer, but the truth really is, there isnt one that is more worse than the other, they are both equaly devastating. Its just one has a longer wait than the other. The one that happens so suddenly can be painful in the way that you are unprepaired, thus financial issues and such arise. But the long wait can have you more prepaired... Though Im not so sure thats better, because it almost makes you all cried out, and a little bit apathetic towards the situation. Its like your body shuts down as you stare at your loved one, watching every five minutes to make sure they are still breathing. It almost becomes used to the situation and you move through the motions and tackle the problems as they come at you. But determining which is the worse one is impossible. So there you have it people, the answer. Glad to be of some help.

I am so stressed right now its unbelieveable. I have an ISU I should be working on, a few essays for 'Dwyer, homework, reading, but I just cant do it. My mind is so preoccupied with more important things such as Whiskers dying and having the flu. This stuff really drains you. I should have remembered this from grade nine when Ryan dies, but I guess your mind kinda shuts the painfull memories out and tries to make it so you can push on instead of always thinking about them. Well thats what happened in my case anyways. Grade nine is one big blur. I dont think there is one think I can remember, other than I know I had Mr. Linehan and Mrs. Tatlock as teachers, only because they remember me as being one of their students. You look at the situation as it happens as something you will never forget, ever, but the things that are happening around as the hard situation is going on are a blur. They just arent as important. You dont want to eat, you dont want to drink or even have a shower, all you want to do is focuss on spending time with him.... Thats all I want to do, stay home and lay in my bed with my baby and care for him until he passes away.

Mum brought up what we are going to do with Whiskers when he passes. She suggested we burry him in the backyard by the vegetable garden because there at least he wont get disturbed. But for some reason I find that a little weird. Having him so close, yet so far away. Because I know thats not really him out there, that his soul has gone somewhere else and thats only his body decaying in the ground by our garden. Mum seems to think its a good idea, because then we can have him near us, but I look at it as creepy and weird. Though I know I wont stick by that because I am not the only one going through this. I guess burying him in the backyard is an okay thing.

I used to have this book when I was little, and the little girl in it loses her kitty. Throughout the book she asks her parents where her kitty is now, and what happened to it. Then they have a funeral service with her and her parents in her backyards and wrap the kitty in either a red or yellow scarf. They bury it there by a tree. The book is really morbid, but Im remembering it now that my kitty is dying. I want to look for it, maybe Ill find it in Daniel and Kyles room, on their bookshelf. I gave all of my books to them, well it wasnt really my choice, it was more, 'oh look all my books from when I was little are on Daniel and Kyles bookshelf, how nice.' Of course Mum knew I wouldnt really mind all that much, they do need to learn how to read too. Plus Kyle can just sit in his room for hours and "read" his books(he is only 4 afterall).

I just looked over at Whiskers again, hes laying on my bed curled in a ball, I dont think he can get warm. I had to stare at him extra hard, it didnt look like he was breathing and my heart skipped a beat. There was a moment there where I was going to either breakdown or puke. Sort of a mixture of both. I have deffinate anxiety right now. God sometimes I hate this...

I do have some good news though! Andrew was released from the hospital yesterday and he'll be going to school tomorrow. He is still a little messed up in the head, but he seems to be doing fine. He cant remember the accident or the stay in the hospital, but thats okay. In my opinion its a good thing that he cant remember the accident, I wouldnt think it would really be a pleasant memory to recall. Paul told me on the phone tonight that he and Drew found the spot where he had the accident and they studied what must have happened. Its so aweful. If you click on the link in Pauls name there, it should take you to his blog and update you on whats been happening so far. Im thinking of you both Paul.

As for everything else in life... What everything else?

I'm floating down the river...

I feel so bad for Paul. Andrew is in the hospital, he was in a really bad car accident. I really wish I could help but there isnt much I can do other than ask everyone to light a candle or if you are the religious type, pray for the both of them. I feel so helpless in life right now.

On a lighter note whiskers is getting better, he doesnt seem to be limping as badly, and its gotten to the point where I dont think we have to put him down. He's really depressed though, he hides under my bed curled up in a ball, or in my comfy chair on my blankets. I tried bringing his food into my room rather than having it in the furnace room so he doesnt have to walk as far, but it confuses Cleo. There isnt much I can do for him other than make him feel as comfortable as possible. A few friends of mine have talked me thru this, and their support feels good in my heart. But I just cant shake that he's getting better only to get worse...

On another note, again, I am now very sick and have the flu. Isnt my life just getting better by the day? Its Matthews fault, he made me this sick, and Kyles. Mom took them to the walk in clinic on Sunday and they both have the flu, and Mom's getting it too. Wow, so now I have it. And the funniest thing is everyone in the house except Mom has had their flu shot. Talk about weird. I thought the stupid needle was supposed to protect me from getting it. Buuut noooo. Growl.

I feel so bad because the only blogs I have checked up on lately are Pauls and my own. I think tonight I am ging to go and read Davids. I havent read up on his in awhile. Last time I did he had wrote about Michael Jackson. I wonder whats next.

There is another blog I read sometimes, Dirty Whore Diary. She's rather intereting. She chooses hr sex partners from the internet. Not something I would choose to do, meet up and have sex with someone from the internet. But if she wants to, all the power to her. ~Cough cough~ I hate being sick.

If anyone wants to do something for me right now, they can buy me a lifetime supply of red halls, and finish all the essays and ISU's that are due soon for school. I would love you forever and ever if you did.